65 Funniest Twitter Quotes Of The Week

In need of some serious laughs (and more content to retweet on Twitter)? Here’s a list of funny tweets that’ll make you chuckle. Confused about what to write for Twitter quotes? Here are 65 kickass quotes that you can copy & paste into your Twitter profile!

Funniest twitter quotes of the week: This formal Bugs Bunny meme evolved and changed over time, much like all great memes. It was originally used to wish all members of certain demographics or groups a nice evening, but it may now be used to say almost anything. You don’t have to be familiar with the anime series from which this screenshot was obtained to appreciate the meme. Of course, you can find millions of funny Twitter posts each day, but none as peculiar. We collected Twitter Quotes, Tweet Quotes, Mood Quotes, Funny Quotes, Life Quotes, Funny. Take a look at some of his funniest tweets below.

The week’s funniest Twitter quotes. To get through the day, you sometimes have to overlook how bad things are getting. This is the tale of the This Is Fine dog, who spends most of his time sitting in a burning room sipping coffee. He can adapt to a variety of settings, including the unusual circumstances of the epidemic, as shown above.

Funniest Twitter Quotes Of The Week

1. “We’re all just doing the best we can,” is my response to literally anything right now…whether you tell me you chugged a box of wine, took a 6-hour midday nap, set up Christmas decorations in may, robbed a bank, or gave yourself bangs.”

2. “The CDC now recommends that the kids stay the weekend at grandmas”

3. “Look if you’re not a cop, please stop buying a ford explorer/Taurus. I’m sick of breaking for all of these inconsiderate soccer moms while I’m doing 73 in a 45 driving with my knee trying to put mild sauce on my Taco Bell”

4. “Yes I read books, but only because every time I finish one I reward myself with a personal pan pizza. It’s the way I was raised.”

5. “Not gonna let the CDC peer pressure me into going out sorry babe”

6. “I want a reality show where people who don’t tip have to work a double at a restaurant with a huge outdoor patio during brunch on the first nice day of the year”

7. “There are people right now in this nation with plastic shopping bags filled with gasoline in their houses, who won’t take a vaccine because it’s unsafe.”

8. “Look, I’m not everyone’s plastic bag filled with gasoline & that’s okay.”

9. “A month before our wedding, our hotel called and asked if we’d give up our wedding suite for a “Celebrity” who wanted to stay in it long term. We said no. On our wedding weekend, we saw Nicolas Cage walking around our hotel. Nic Cage tried to ruin my wedding and that’s my story.”

10. “As I am fully vaccinated, I no longer *have* to wear a mask, but I *choose* to as it reduces the fumes from the bags of gasoline I filled up the guest bedroom with.”

11. “Welcome to your 40s. Your skincare routine costs more than your mortgage now.”

12. “Pleased to announce my wife and I finally completed a six-hour negotiation to pick out the movie she’s going to look at her phone to while I fall asleep on the couch.”

13. “If you see me with a new hairstyle, I’ve been through something, but I’m cool. If I have bangs, call somebody.”

14. “His kiss was slow but firm and unyielding like an old man backing his Lincoln Town Car over a handicapped parking sign.”

15. “Me as a kid: When I’m an adult I’m gonna stay up all night and eat whatever I want Me as an adult: If I don’t finish this glass of water and get to bed by 9 I will die”

16. “Dudes will know each other for a decade and not have one photo together.”

17. “Uh oh… Made my boss mad by using the vacation days my boss gave me”

18. “Serious question: When someone’s telling you a sad story and crying how long should I wait before I take a bite of my corn dog?”

19. “Person: “You don’t have kids!? How old are you?” Me: “31.” P: “That surprises me. I’d be lost without my kids. I mean, how do you find meaning in life?” M: “Marvel keeps coming out with films… So I have that.”

20. “I don’t get how Elon can run 4 companies, have 6 kids with 2 different women, trying to get humans to Mars, and still find time to respond to poontapper63345 oh how bitcoin sucks”

21. “Every day I feed my cats the same thing and every day they look at me like I got their order wrong”

22. “It’s possible the CDC saw a bunch of us trying to hoard gasoline in old burger kingcups and just gave up”

23. “Isn’t Instagram amazing, you can just like the person’s message and that’s the end of the convo”

24. “I used to read 3-4 full-sized novels in middle school. Now I see anything longer than a paragraph and bounce. I’ll miss u brain cells, can’t believe u peaked at age 12”

25. “Facebook is the greatest “Holy shit I didn’t realize that person was insane” app of all time”

26. “The CDC now recommends that only dads touch the thermostat.”

27. “Wife: Why is there a bouncy castle in the garden? Me out of breath with no shoes on: I’m not sure.”

28. “Perhaps the best one-liner in a student paper this semester, “The analysis is severely limited by my lack of understanding of what I am doing.”

29. “One minute you’re young and carefree and another you’re reading non-slip sock reviews on Amazon.”

30. “No one has it easier than a track coach. “Okay good. Now faster.”

31. “The CDC says they can drop off fully vaccinated people at the movies if their mom can pick everyone up but they’re not doing both”

32. “Fully vaccinated customers may now meet the bee.”

33. “The CDC has announced that my double chin will be back on full display again”

34. “I have faced more peer pressure to drink oat milk than to do drugs”

35. “Me: Do you think Kevin bacon refers to his nipples as his bacon bits”

36. “The dominos pizza tracker says Alfred is quality checking my order but Alfred also made it. Isn’t this a conflict of interest”

37. “I don’t know who needs to hear this but women can be brilliant and accomplished and still post sexy pictures of themselves. Take all the time you need to process this information.”

38. “How long until some genius bundles all the streaming services and just reinvents cable?”

39. “My husband just referred to best buy as “Amazon’s showroom” and it’s the most accurate thing he’s ever said”

40. “Scientist: Dick bug Other Scientist: No Scientist: Penis beetle Other Scientist: no Scientist: Cockroach Other Scientist: Ok sure”

Greatest Of All Time Meme

41. “ “Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” Well it just so happens I love not working”

42. “CDC couldn’t have given us a countdown? I look like shit”

43. “A special place in hell? For me? That’s actually really thoughtful”

44. “[First day as a doctor] Patient: I got stabbed!!! Me: Is there a family history of being stabbed?”

45. “Men have nice skin because they stress out everyone but themselves.”

46. “I’m not accusing my wife of picking a fight with me, but she wrote “Toothpaste” on our grocery list without any specific details and we all know how this story ends.”

47. “Current financial status: The half tank of gas and 3 sheets of plywood”

48. “I believe dropping the masks is part of a larger conspiracy theory. Their ultimate goal is to get us to start wearing bras, makeup, and real pants again. I’m not falling for it.”

49. “Everyone: Once I’m vaccinated and it’s safe I’m going to have the horniest summer of all time CDC: It’s safe Everyone: Now hold on”

50. “Please normalize wanting to dance with somebody and please normalize wanting to feel the heat with somebody. It’s okay to want to dance with somebody who loves you.”

51. “I’d probably be naked more if I didn’t need pockets.”

52. “I saw your text I’m just waiting until I have enough serotonin to reply”

53. “Therapist: How do you communicate to your husband that you are upset with him? Me: I watch a show called “Deadly Women” on the murder channel at maximum volume while he is less than 3 feet away from me. Therapist: No.”

54. “Surgeon: We’re only allowing family right now olive garden waitstaff: Yeah that’s why we’re here”

55. “I used to say “I have no friends” as a joke but bro I dont think it’s a joke anymore”