Here are the best funny Dog Jokes, clean jokes for dogs, and overall stupid but good jokes. Enjoy!
These 60 dog jokes have the funniest doggone punch lines we’ve read in a while! From funny dog jokes about specific breeds to jokes, you’ll want to tell your pet-loving friends.
Dog Jokes
❝What do you call a dog that has been left outside in the cold for an extended period of time?
A chili-dog
❝What did the waiter tell the dog at the restaurant?
“Bone-appetite”!
❝What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
Ruff! Ruff!
❝What do you call a left-handed boxer?
A south paw!
❝What kind of dog is most like a cat?
A Purr-man Shepherd.
❝Our dog brings us the newspaper every day…Funny thing is, we’ve never subscribed to any!
❝Which dog breed has never done anything wrong?
Saint Bernard.
❝What’s a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes!
❝In English class, why do dogs like conjunctions?
Because dogs love buts.
❝What do you call sleeping puppies?
Hush Puppies
❝How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws.
❝What do you call a wild dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
❝What do dog lovers wrap around themselves when it gets cold outside?
A nice warm Setter.
❝What do dogs do when they need to take a bathroom break during a movie?
They press the paws button.
❝What was the little Scottish dog’s reaction when he first saw the Loch Ness Monster?
He was Terrier-fied.
❝When you put oil on a racing dog, what do you get?
Grease Lightning
❝Why did the man make pancakes for his dog?
His dog sure didn’t know how!
❝What do dogs get after they graduate from obedience school?
Their masters.
❝Want to know if your wife or your dog loves you more?
Just lock them both in a crate for a few hours and see which one is happy to see you once you open it.
❝How do you know if you have a slow dog?
It chases parked cars.
❝Why did the officer issue a ticket to the dog who gave birth on the side of the road?
Because she was littering.
❝What happens if you connect a Corgi to a battery?
You’ll get a short circuit.
❝What do you call a dog that has been left outside in the cold for an extended period of time?
A chili-dog.
❝Our dog brings us the newspaper every day. . . . Funny thing is, we’ve never subscribed to any!
❝Which dog breed loves living in the Big Apple?
A New Yorkie.
❝What do you call a dog magician?
A Labracadabrador.
❝What do you call a dog that can’t bark?
A hushpuppy.
❝When you cross a Cocker Spaniel, a Poodle, and a Rooster, what do you get?
A Cockerpoodledoo!
❝When my friend’s dog died, I bought an identical one to try to cheer them up . . . but it just made them more upset. Do you know what my friend said when I gave the dog to them?
“What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?##!”
❝What kinds of outdoor markets do dogs despise?
Flea markets.
❝What kind of dog likes taking a bath every day?
A shampoo-dle.
❝What do a dog and a marine biologist have in common?
One wags a tail, and the other tags a whale.
❝Why do dogs love redwood trees?
They have the biggest bark.
❝When you cross a Rottweiler with a hyena, what do you get?
I’m not sure, but if it begins laughing, I’m going to join in.
❝When does a mother flea become satisfied?
When her entire family has decided to go to the dogs.
❝What happens if you cross a dog with a phone?
A Golden Receiver.
❝What could be more incredible than a talking dog?
A spelling bee.
❝What did the man name his two watchdogs?
Rolex and Timex.
❝Why aren’t Corgi jokes funny?
All of them are really short.
❝Why do dogs love smartphones?
Because they have collar IDs.
❝What did the one dog say to the other before they enjoyed their bones?
Bon appetite!
❝When the dog went to the flea circus, what happened?
He stole the show.
❝When a dog has a fever, what should you feed him?
Mustard—it’s the best thing for hot dogs.
❝What’s the coolest dog?
A pup-sicle
❝Want to know if your wife or your dog loves you more?
Just lock them both in a crate for a few hours and see which one is happy to see you once you open it.
❝What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?
A golden receiver.
❝How do dogs say goodbye?
Chow Chow!
❝What kind of dog never throws anything away?
A Hoarder Collie.
❝How did the little scottish dog feel when he saw a monster?
Terrier-fied!
❝What did one flea say to the other?
Should we walk or take a dog?##
❝What did the dog say to the tree?
Bark
❝After accidentally swallowing Buzz Lightyear, what did the dog say to Woody?
You got a friend in me.
❝Why did the Dachshund want to sit in the shade?
Because it was a hot dog.
❝Why do dogs like conjunctions?
They just love buts.
❝Why is my dog’s back always sore?
He’s a Mastiff.
❝When you cross a Rottweiler with a hyena, what do you get?
I’m not sure, but if it begins laughing, I’m going to join in.
❝How do you stop a dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard!
❝What’s a dog’s favorite kind of pizza?
Pupperoni pizza!
❝What type of market should you never take your dog to?
A flea market!
❝Why should you be careful when it rains cats and dogs?
Because you might step in a poodle.
