Are you looking for a good laugh? We’ve got you covered with a huge list of funny quotes to make you laugh out loud. Laughter truly is the best medicine for your soul. Laughter reduces stress, but it also lowers your blood pressure, gives you an excellent ab workout, and releases endorphins. So enjoy these 45 funny minions quotes, sayings, and observations and get laughing today.
Minions Funny Quotes
Here are funny quotes featuring the Minions:
- “I’m on that new diet where you eat everything and pray for a miracle.”
- “Stressed spelled backward is desserts. Coincidence? I think not!”
- “I don’t have a bad handwriting; I have my font.”
- “I need a six-month holiday, twice a year.”
- “I’m not crazy; my reality is just different than yours.”
- “I’m not short; I’m minion-sized.”
- “I’m not lazy; I’m on energy-saving mode.”
- “I put the ‘Me’ in ‘Awesome.'”
- “I’m not arguing; I’m just explaining why I’m right.”
- “I’m not late; everyone else is just early.”
- “I’m not clumsy; the floor just hates me.”
- “I’m not small; I’m minion-sized.”
- “I’m not a morning person. I’m not an afternoon person. I’m barely an evening person. Basically, I’m not a person.”
- “I’m not a complete idiot; some parts are missing.”
- “I’m not ignoring you; I’m just giving you time to reflect on your mistakes.”
- “I’m not lazy; I’m in energy-saving mode.”
- “I’m not saying I’m Wonder Woman; I’m just saying no one has ever seen me and Wonder Woman in the same room together.”
- “If you want your children to listen, try whispering to someone else.” ― Ann Landers
Funny Minions Quotes
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it” ― Buddy Hackett
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. Andy Rooney Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?” ― Benny Hill
“May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.” – George Carlin
“Yogi Berra quote “Nobody goes there anymore because it’s too crowded”
“People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” ― Isaac Asimov
“When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.” ― George Burns
“AA Milne funny quote, “People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”
Minions Funny Quotes
“A day without laughter is a day wasted.” ― Charlie Chaplin
“I had plastic surgery last week – I cut up my credit cards.” ― Henny Youngman
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“It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate” ― Dave Barry
“I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!.” ― Tom Lehrer
“Lamb Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.” ― Charles Shulz George
“Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?” “Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?” – John Barrymore
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“These funny quotes are some of the best we could find from hilarious actors and comics alike.” ―
“Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.” – Groucho Marx
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving faster than you is a maniac, and anyone going slower than you is a moron?.” ― George Carlin
“What’s another word for Thesaurus?” – Steven Wright
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“Marx funny quote “Marriage is the chief cause of divorce”
“Education is learning what you didn’t even know you didn’t know.” ― Daniel J. Boorstin
“Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.” ― Alan Dundes
“Conan O’Brien quote “When all else fails, there’s always delusion” “When all else fails, there’s always delusion.” – Conan O’Brien
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“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” ― A. A. Milne
“Happiness is a dry martini and a good woman… or a bad woman.” ― George Burns
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” ― George Burns
“Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.” ― Francois de La Rochefoucauld
“Everyone has a purpose in life. Perhaps yours is watching television” ― David Letterman
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“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is” ― Ellen DeGeneres
“Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.” ― Dale Carnegie
“Steven Wright funny quote “What’s another word for Thesaurus?
“A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.” ― W. C. Fields
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“Political correctness is tyranny with manners.” ― Charleton Heston
“What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left.” ― Oscar Levant
“When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.” ― Norm Crosby
“A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.” ― Don Marquis
“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” – Elbert Hubbard
“Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.” ― Laurence J. Peter
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“Nobody goes there anymore because it’s too crowded.” – Yogi Berra
“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” ― Mark Twain
“My pessimism extends to the point of even suspecting the sincerity of other pessimists.” ― Jean Rostand Groucho
“can’t understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.” ― Fred Allen
“My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.” ― Caroline Rhea
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“If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?” ― Abraham Lincoln
“Nobody provides laughs like comedians. After all, they do it for a living!” ―
“I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson
“An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.” ― Dylan Thomas
“War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.” ― Ambrose Pierce
“The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.” ― Fred Allen
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“Elbert Hubbard quote “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive”
“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” ― Albert Einstein
“Life is hard. After all, it kills you.” ― Katharine Hepburn
“I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” ― Mitch Hedberg
“All men are equal before fish.” ― Herbert Hoover
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“The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.” ―Abraham Lincoln
“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.” ― Abraham Lincoln
“I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.” ― Arthur C. Clarke
“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” ― Bob Hope
“Everyone with telekinetic powers, raise my hand.” ― Emo Philips
“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” ― Dalai Lama
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“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.” ― Erma Bombeck
“Carlin quote “May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house”
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.” ― Sam Levenson
“Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.” ― Dennis Wholey Funny Quotes from Comedians
“I am only human, although I regret it.” ― Mark Twain
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” ― Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh
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“Folks, I don’t trust children. They’re here to replace us.” – Stephen Colbert
“He knows nothing; he thinks he knows everything – that clearly points to a political career.” ― George Bernard Shaw
“All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.” ― Alexander Woollcott
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“Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop.” ― Gertrude Stein
“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” ― Bill Waterson
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” ― Charles
“Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.” ― Will Rogers
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